I talk about circles alot...

I believe that it is thermo dynamics or something or other that states that every thing moves from order to entropy or chaos. Well, I don't know shit know about shit, but I do know that everything is round, like a circle. The sun rises; it sets. We wake; we sleep. We eat, and we shit. All of it goes around, and everything is connected to everything else. Karma, whether it has an 'h' in it or not, is a bitch, and karma represents this circle as it pertains to the treatment of people and success of complex interpersonal relationships(dating). Everyday, is full of choices and making them is the only freedom we have. Thank god(or Allah or Buddha or Satan or whoever deity I forgot to name drop), and apparently I have bad that. I mean, karma. Not choices or whatever I was just talking about. So, after coming to that conclusion, I have decided that it is not possible to date your friends best friend and still remain friends with both of them... Or, something... Now, if that has anything to do with my previous karmic state or if that added to it, I don't know. BUT! I do know that I have ruined my life quite methodically and completely without me ever seeing it coming until now.

The idea has been tossed around, lately, that I may be a sociopath. Which means, that I am a conscienceless A-rated A-hole who A-nile-ates and man-eep-you-lates all the people around me and thier relationships. Whether this is true or not, I am not too sure. But, I will say that I have made leaps, bounds and strides in assimilating a semi-impervious wall around my sweet and melty emotional center so as to avoid being hurt. I blame this on the fact that women abuse me. Well, not abuse per se', but they have a mind of their own and they dump me and I never see it coming and then I end up ranting in run-on sentences to myself about how much I don't need them or much I love them or don't love them or how I should have left them and how they were probably cheating on me when all it is; all of it!, is just insecurity. I don't think I am worthy of love or attention from anyone. I don't understand it, it is hard for me to accept it, and sometimes I even fight it. Either way, I have been hurt, deeply, and somehow thought that it was okay, in the past (and even present) to hurt innocent bystanders who may have had real feelings of love and appreciation for me, all in the name of retaliation on some petty heart-breaker/little girl who didn't love me back.

I apologize.