V: blah blah blah Why do you hate Dylan?
Me: blah blah blah He tries to hard to please people and changes interest
based on the people he is trying to please.
V: Naw, he is awesome, and completely comfortable in his own skin. You are jealous as you should
be.
None of that is direct quotes except the last sentence. Anyway, I digress... The point is that trying to be 'comfortable' in one's 'own skin', as some might say, is probably one of the more difficult tasks of living for me. Day in and day out I measure myself against the people around me. Their oohs and ahs, hems and haws(thanks Logan) can be a carnival-mirror reflection(cliche...I know), if not completely then at least to some minor degree, of who I might be. So, as I sit here clicking the stumble button over and over and listening to the setting sun and the groaning cicadas, I think back to all those people that I 'ruined' or 'wronged'. Does that make me careless? Evil? Does that make them weak? Does it make them broken? Or are we just Narcissus, in love with our reflections in a pool?
GOD that sucked.
omg. it did suck. it could have been insightful but you ruined it somewhere.. oh, i know where, you left out the part about how you completely described yourself when trying to insult dylan, who is unique, and doesnt need to try to be like-able. you can say i dont know the inner james, go ahead, but thats what i see. if you want specific examples of said chamillion tendencys, message me. i would dare you to refute me. and you referring to people that you fool with your fakeness as weak, is further proof that you are a sociopath, people who prey on other people that they can get something out of. sickening... that i just wasted time writing this. none of it matters. lets chalk this up to just sayin.
ReplyDeletewow, you really ticked someone off, james.
ReplyDeleteI guess so... Personally I feel they missed the point, so it is not my fault!
ReplyDeleteI found it insightful, regardless of my acquaintance with this Dylan character, and it is obvious that "anonymous" didn't understand your point.
ReplyDeleteAs to your comment about "wronging" people, I don't believe that you or anyone could be at fault for "hurting" another person, except for the first time. Let me give an example: I knew this guy for a few months, and I always thought of him as about a "6" (I mentally rate the likability and attitude of the people I meet). One day, this guy happened to piss me off to an extended degree (he purposely ruined something that I was trying to create). At first I was angry, but in reality, this anger was just a shield while I reconfigured my idea of this person. From now on, this guy rated at about a "3," and nothing that he did above the range of three would surprise me, and therefore, nothing he could do above the range of three could anger me.
To conclude, I believe that you need to be your true self, and not change your attitude in order to please other people. This also takes into account if you WANT to change your attitude in order to please other people, because then it is your decision and perhaps what you wish to do.
Being comfortable in your own skin has to come from inside. For the longest time, I relied on the attention of others in order to feel good about myself (hell, I still do, to a degree). But I am slowly learning to just say "Fuck it" and let people think what they want to think.
Oh, and so this whole comment doesn't seem so thoughtful and gay, I'll throw in something to make it creepy:
You better be comfortable in your skin, or I'll get comfortable in your skin.
George... I love you.
ReplyDeleteOkay, well, I understand what you were trying to say, but I understand anonymous's point of view as well. And I agree with George to an extent. After 27 years I am not completely at ease with just being myself and letting others think whatever the fuck they want to. Ultimately it doesn't matter WHAT they think or say, tis true, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck to be something unliked or unloved. So, I think that that is what most of us strive for as humans.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that anonymous is someone you may have hurt in the past. While seeking for peace within your own skin is an altogether admirable thing to do, hurting people over and over to get what you want isn't. There's a big chasm between seeking acceptance, and walking all over people on your quest.
Doesn't the acceptance start with self? This realization is harder for some to grasp than it is for others. Learning not to look at other's reactions as a basis for gauging self-worth can be a very hard lesson to learn. And not only that, finding yourself being something you find deplorable is something only you can change.
If one thinks something is terrible and yet continues to do it to get a reaction or because it is what is EXPECTED, then that someone will never find peace within said one's own skin. That one will be a broken man relying on others to stick him back together again over and over, but those others have faulty glue. And the sweat and tears from efforts of trying to be everyone's gaudy puppet just dissolve it continually.
Be what you want to be, James, but if it's something to be complained about constantly then maybe it's not worth it. Maybe it's something pathetic.
So, what you're trying to say is what I just said AND that I am pathetic? Awesome? I think this is too touchy a subject for me to look at objectively... I thought posting this is would be therapeutic as things usually are, but I seem to just keep getting offended? Or, maybe that is good? Make me fight for it?
ReplyDeleteWhat a fucking paradox. Be what and who you want. Just don't be mad about it. Personally, I don't think you are sociopathic. Just...dammit IF there are things about yourself you want changed, YOU have to do the changing. Not others for you. Then maybe you'll be happy being you. Now I'm pissed, but I will get over it. And you're pissed, but you will get over it. Probably.
ReplyDeleteSour grapes. Exactly.
ReplyDelete