HORTENSE

It is there. I can see it, and hear it. Mostly hear. A sort of quiet rustle. It does not make much sense right now. Later, though... Later it will. It looks like people with hair and bright clothes. They are making the rounds, the daily routines that they need. Its what makes them feel important. It also makes for the signature rhythm. That one I crave. It hurts to want to need it. All of those circles that have seemed to pointless. They are all starting to make sense now, and I hear it. I wish I couldn't see it. My ears can lie to me... But, not my eyes. They are my friends, and aren't old enough for that. Not old enough yet to not see. Hearing never ages though. It is always tricksy. Ears, oh you... So easily fooled. I see its hands, and feet, and shoulders. Standing tall, and bright. Being you and me and not those or them or they. I'd like to know who you are though... If you are even really there.

I need to keep this forever. POST POST POSTED everywhere else

"You make me sick. And I wish you would leave all of us alone. I don't want you fucking with any of my friends anymore. YOU ARE A DISEASE. No one wants you back in their life. Get it through your head. You fucked up. You haven't changed. Just stop." Rad

I FUCKING LOVE KATY PERRY.

stop American pop-culture has broken me stop Your son has died of influenza stop.
Gay.

Mullholland Drive(sp?)

I don't think that I understand David Lynch's movies at all. I don't think anyone really does. If anything, people just like to think they do. What sense is there to make of an aspiring actor having lesbian sex with her amnesiac roomie who was involved in some crazy mob shit?! I don't get it, but Naomi Watts is F-I-N-E, FINE. My brain also likes to try and sort it all out. It is a puzzle. It all seems random, but my brain still will not accept that is completely random. So, it trys to make everything make sense and put it all on one timeline. Even though things aren't happening chronologically at ALL. That is all. No moral. No introspection or insight. Read it and weep!

Delete.

I'm tired, and despite the last two days, am pretty upset?

Saline is my brain, at least in reference to myself?
I will believe what you say readily, but what I am is a mystery?

haha That is plain, self-abosrbed and trite enough. Cut it! Print it!

Don't think too too hard...

Somehow, today has been an interesting day of zen, and discovery. Even though it has been one of the simpler days, when compared to the hectic sleepless weekends filled with obnoxiousness, loud music, while the stress of trying to become one's-self usually fills out the rest of the week... All day, whil I have been sitting here at my computer slowly crawling across the internet, refreshing the various myspace, facebook, and the like, I have been thinking about something that someone said to me today... Here is a transcript of the convo via AIM.

V: blah blah blah Why do you hate Dylan?

Me: blah blah blah He tries to hard to please people and changes interest
based on the people he is trying to please.

V: Naw, he is awesome, and completely comfortable in his own skin. You are jealous as you should
be.

None of that is direct quotes except the last sentence. Anyway, I digress... The point is that trying to be 'comfortable' in one's 'own skin', as some might say, is probably one of the more difficult tasks of living for me. Day in and day out I measure myself against the people around me. Their oohs and ahs, hems and haws(thanks Logan) can be a carnival-mirror reflection(cliche...I know), if not completely then at least to some minor degree, of who I might be. So, as I sit here clicking the stumble button over and over and listening to the setting sun and the groaning cicadas, I think back to all those people that I 'ruined' or 'wronged'. Does that make me careless? Evil? Does that make them weak? Does it make them broken? Or are we just Narcissus, in love with our reflections in a pool?



GOD that sucked.

Where do you go?

Eraserhead is possibly one of the best, and most soothingly awkward 'things' I have ever seen in my life. The ending made me so happy. Although, there were times when everything was just so unbearably stressful about the whole experience... There will be more David Lynch for me to come I am certain...

This post may mark a return to my regular, nearly daily blogging schedule... Even though I know no one really pays much attention to this.

I have also recently taken up biking very long distances. I enjoy for the sense of freedom it give me, if not for the superb and euphoric endorphine-fueld sensation after a 10 or 20 mile ride. Being that cycling has become my main means of transportaion, I have set up some goals in learning the mechanics, lingo, and just regular maintenance of the 'sport'. So, if those few of you who read this come across anything of that nature, or if you have previous experience or knowledge on the subject you should lemme know.